One Day I Learned How to Stop Hiding

Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with communication.  The everyday communication. The implicit understanding of words, of tone, and of nonverbal communication.

I’ve taken several classes on communication – a public speaking class in high school and in college, a Dale Carnegie course, and I was part of Toastmasters for two years.  Toastmasters is a club that meets weekly to help improve communication and leadership skills.

Recently, there was a situation that came up that made me keenly aware just how much I struggle with communicating and communicating appropriately.  And once again, I was not cognizant that the triggering situation might have to do with a subconscious belief.

Here’s what happened:

A couple of weeks ago, I had a cavity filled at my dentist .  Per his advice, I was on the alert for hot and cold sensitivity, since that could be indicative of the need to have a root canal.  Shortly thereafter, I noticed more sensitivity than normal. I wasn’t sure if I was feeling pain because of the power of suggestion or if the pain was real.  Then, the pain got worse. It was blinding pain whenever I took a bite of or drank something hot or cold.  

I went to the dentist and the reason for the pain was discovered.  There was a gap in the filling leaving a nerve exposed. The filling was replaced with some extra precautions to address the exposed nerve.  

When I went to check out, I paid my previous balance, and received an estimate of the cost to replace the filling.  I was confused by the charges since the original filling wasn’t done correctly but couldn’t find the words to address my concerns.  I tried to say something, got flustered and left frustrated.

When I got home, I thought about what I could have said.  I could have asked for an explanation of why there were charges to replace a filling that wasn’t done correctly.  I decided to call and ask that question. I didn’t immediately pick up the phone to call the dentist. I actually sat there staring at the phone for an hour until it was close to 5pm before I had the courage to call.  What I thought I was afraid of was that I would not be able to communicate my question clearly, even though I had written it down and had the piece of paper with the question in front of me.

When I did finally make the call, the response was what I had hoped for.  “You shouldn’t have been charged and of course, we will reverse them.” I was relieved and concerned at the same time.  Relieved that the charges were going to be reversed and concerned that I had spent much of the day all topsy turvy over what had happened.  

I decided to take my mom’s advice to follow her healing process as stressful or triggering circumstances arose.  

What I discovered in that process was that what scared me the most was that I would get an answer that I didn’t like or didn’t feel was fair.  In that case, my emotional response to that answer would be too much for me to handle. I was afraid that I would exposed as incompetent, or too sensitive or emotional.  What I did in those situations was to hide and avoid asking questions which caused me to be in the dark and confused. That’s all I knew to do with my limited problem-solving skills.  This resulted in self-sabotage because what I most feared became true. It’s challenging to be or look competent when you don’t have all the information. My fears and confusion caused me to be in high alert which, in turn, caused me to overreact, appearing too sensitive or emotional.  

When I tapped into my intuition or divinely guided tools, I gained more clarity over the situation.  I realized I didn’t have to be perfect in order to be viewed as someone who was competent. In fact, I could be perfectly flawed which is the experience of being human.  I used the energy work of ThetaHealing to shift all of this in my subconscious and felt a calmness wash over me when I thought about the events of the day.

I giggled to myself as this new perspective was revealed to me because I embrace people’s differences.  The concept of neurodiversity is a passion of mine. I don’t see these differences as flaws. I actually see the beauty in people’s differences and the value that all of these differences bring to the world. 

What a gift it was to myself to do this healing process.  I’m going to do my best not to avoid doing the work going forward. 

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